


When Did America Become a Man

by knockout_mouse



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Ficlet, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, M/M, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Trans Steve Rogers, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 17:13:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20261632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knockout_mouse/pseuds/knockout_mouse
Summary: Like all the great heroes of history, he has no clear childhood to pin down and confirm. It is as if America called for a hero and the universe answered.





	When Did America Become a Man

It happens shortly after the death of Steve’s mother. He and Bucky are sitting in the apartment Steve had once shared with Sarah Rogers, staring down at the dinner table in mutual silence. Steve bites his lip and keeps his gaze firmly pinned on Bucky when he admits how things have changed. He knows he is a man, and he wishes to be called “Steve”, and because nothing like this begins in an instant, Bucky has the feeling his friend has only waited this long to tell him because of Sarah. He asks this, and Steve simply tilts his chin down and lets out a tearful sigh.

“I love her, Buck, I really do. But she has always wanted a daughter.” his gaze sinks to the floor, “I wanted her to go to heaven in peace.”

And it is from that moment on Bucky decides he will move the very foundations of the earth to make sure Steve is allowed to exist as himself, to be loved as himself (even if perhaps it means several long sessions staring in the mirror and coming to terms with the fact that he does, in fact, still love Steve dearly). 

So it is on that day the daughter of Sarah Rogers slips out of history, and the very next day that Bucky moves into his own apartment with a new lad known only to neighbors as Steve (or “punk” or “you little reckless shit”). When the media and the papers comb Steve’s history in search of the origins of Captain America, they find nothing before that day, and so it becomes part of the legend. He is Venus emerging from a clam shell; Athena springing fully-formed from the head of Zeus — like all the great heroes of history, he has no clear childhood to pin down and confirm. It is as if America called for a hero and the universe answered.

But before the serum, before his body is pumped full of testosterone, he is just a scrawny and high-pitched boy who the good James has kindly taken under his wing. Everyone knows Bucky is extremely protective of Steve, or they learn it the hard way. And in the privacy of their home, Bucky shows Steve how to shave what little peach fuzz he has on his face, and how to tie his own tie. He fights with Steve and he talks about girls with Steve, because that is the only way he has been taught to communicate with men his age. And he doesn’t let himself hug Steve or cradle him in his illness anymore, because guys don’t do that with other guys. 

That is a lie: he breaks one night when Steve is under several ragged blankets, whimpering from fever, and he cannot help but gather Steve in his arms and whisper that it will be okay. He rubs Steve’s back and murmurs about how strong a man he is. When he’s sure Steve is asleep, he whispers about how he loves him.

A dark part of Bucky flickers to life when he hears of the sweeping draft and wishes deep down that Steve was still pretending to be a girl. _Please, Steve, don’t let them take you. _But then he catches Steve actually trying to enlist, under some bullshit backstory about being from Idaho of all places, and he realizes that Steve will gladly get himself into danger no matter what gender people think he is. If it wasn’t the army it would’ve been the WAC, or god knows what else. It’s only much later, waking from several days of torture, that he sees the chiseled face of his best friend and realizes god knows what else is exactly where Steve went next. 

He cries. He never lets Steve see that, but he cries. He wants so badly to protect Steve and hold him and kiss him, and make all of this horrible war go away. But he can do none of those things, partly because men are men, but mostly because Steve is Steve. 

“Look at me Buck, I’m fine!” Steve shouts once in the forest where the rest of the world cannot hear, “I’m a real man now, they gave me muscles and everything! I can take care of myself, I’m not a weak little girl anymore!”

But Bucky just holds back tears and replies, “If there is one thing you have never been in your entire goddamn life, Steve Rogers, it is a weak little girl.”

/////////

It is far too many years and far too many moments after in which Bucky finally manages to whisper, knowing Steve is still awake in bed, that he loves him. And Steve rolls over and stares deep into his eyes and finally, finally there is a breath of relief. A smile Bucky hasn’t seen in decades. 

“But not as a girl? Just to clarify, not as a girl.” a dash of fear crosses Steve’s eyes.

Bucky just smiles warmly and pulls Steve close, mumbling into his hair, “If there is one thing you have never been in your entire goddamn life, Steve Rogers, it’s a girl.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is so short, I really wanted to add on to it or expand it but after several tries I decided it would be better to just post it then let it live the rest of its days in draft limbo. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated!


End file.
